


the thing about human metaphors

by drabbles



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: But its really just two dorks falling in love in space, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, F/F, Lexi Deserves to Be Happy, Lexi T’Perro Deserves a Hug, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Spoilers, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:08:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23695180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drabbles/pseuds/drabbles
Summary: It’s a slow process, falling in love.The Tempest isn’t exactly the ideal place for it either, not when you’re the ship’s doctor, not when you know you’re not built for relationships, not when the woman you’re slowly falling in love with is the hope of an entire galaxy.It still keeps happening anyway.(Or the long love letter to BioWare on why Lexi T’Perro should have been romancable.)
Relationships: Female Ryder | Sara/Lexi T'Perro
Comments: 33
Kudos: 108





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I have no idea why I decided to write this considering there aren’t that many Sara and Lexi fans in the fandom but then I figured why the hell not, right? 
> 
> LEXI DESERVES TO BE HAPPY. I know it, you know it, we all know it.
> 
> So here, have a slightly in-depth glimpse into the inner workings of an asari doctor as she torturously falls in love with our idiotic but lovable Pathfinder.

Lexi T’Perro was one of the first wave colonists to be woken up in ark Hyperion.

Harry had promised her that they would be working in the field, handling the delicate process of waking up human colonists from a 600 year nap in a brand new galaxy.

It was a simple task, yet it was enough to pull her away from the Milky Way. 

She didn’t mind being the only asari in an ark full of humans. She found the human anatomy interesting and yet at the same time, most simple. Sure, they had a tendency to lean towards their emotions and, in turn, become reckless but there is always an available solution, a cure, a process that she can always rely on. They were easy to patch up, less evolved and by default, less complex than most species. She could even perform a bypass surgery in record time, something that did happen during her time as a doctor back on Earth. Simply put, she was the best in her field. 

Lexi deserved to be a doctor in a human ark. She _wanted_ to be here. 

Well, that and mostly because Harry insisted. He probably pulled some strings for her too. The old fool.

Still, Lexi enjoyed the certainty. She strived in specificity and grace under pressure because after all, it is what doctors do.  There is always protocol. There is always a system. There is always direction. 

Pathfinder Alec Ryder authorized the wake-up call for the rest of the human Pathfinder team and she was currently assigned to one Sara Ryder.

_ The Pathfinder’s daughter. Female. Never given birth. No allergies. Healthy. 5’8 tall. Young.  _

Goddess, she was only 20 years-old, this Sara Ryder. That was practically infancy in an asari’s lifetime. But she was in the Pathfinder’s team.

_ Member of the Pathfinder team, N4, Recon Specialist, Peacekeeper, exoarcheologist... member of Silva’s expedition.  _

Ah, so Sara Ryder was a part of the team that dug up Prothean artifacts back in the Milky Way. It would explain her interest in traveling to a whole new galaxy, more new alien artifacts to uncover if they were lucky. 

Lexi always found it fascinating, how humans were able to achieve so much in so little time. 

“Well, Sara Ryder, is it?” Lexi asks the patient, who was absentmindedly cradling a coffee mug in between her hands. “Let’s get you checked out.”

“I’m ready to get to it.”

* * *

Things don’t go as planned on Habitat 7.

They fail to save Alec Ryder.

Lexi doesn’t want to lose another member of the Pathfinder team. She doesn’t want to fail her duty as a doctor. There had been too many deaths now.

She saves Sara Ryder.

Sara Ryder, who is their new Pathfinder.

* * *

“No, Harry, I can’t possibly accept this offer,” Lexi sternly tells him. “I came aboard the Hyperion Ark to wake _colonists_ , not patch up soldiers in the field.”

Carlyle was in the midst of stabilizing one of the injured members of the Pathfinder team after their encounter with the hostile aliens from Habitat 7. It was a concussion, a shot that tore through flesh, and a sprain on a left ankle. He sighed. “Look, Lexi, I know what you came to Andromeda for, but I feel like you’ll be better suited as the Pathfinder team’s doctor. Your quick thinking already saved Sara Ryder’s life, for God’s sake.”

“Better suited? Harry, I’m not the one who was an Alliance doctor for ten years.” Lexi scoffed as she injected fluid into a patient’s IV line. “I don’t even know the first thing about shooting a gun.”

“I can tell the Pathfinder to exclude you from ground team missions. All you need to do is stay in the ship and patch them up in between,” he reassures her. Harry’s hands fumble a little after he pulls out a bullet from one of the patients.

Lexi notices. She drops the syringe she was holding, and faces the human more closely. “Harry, what is this really all about?”

He sighs, roughly removing the surgical gloves off his unsteady fingers. “I wasn’t able to save Alec Ryder’s life. I was there, right at the nick of time, but I still wasn’t able to save him.”

Lexi calls for one of the other on hand medics to take over. She walks over to Harry and reaches out to hold his arm, a gesture she knows that most humans find comforting. “That wasn’t your fault, Harry. There was nothing else you could do. Even if it were me aboard that shuttle, I wouldn’t have been able to save him either.”

“But it was you who saved Sara,” he insists. “If you weren’t there to tell us to get her to SAM node, then she probably wouldn’t have—”

“You know better than to dwell on that,” Lexi chides. “We’re doctors, Harry. We know the risk that comes with being one. This was a rough wake-up call, but that doesn’t mean it won’t get better.”

“I know. I know.” He sits at one of the unoccupied stretchers. “But I’m not getting any younger, Lexi. Habitat 7 made me realize something. Look, they were all relying on me to save them, and I knew how to save them. It’s my job—soldiers _trust_ me to do that.”

Lexi looks down at Harry; she notices the dark bags under his eyes, the messy patch of greying hair atop his head, the tell-tale signs of age visible on the wrinkles on his cheeks, and the desperation that bleeds out of his voice as he continues to speak.

“Lexi, I...I felt myself panic when they dragged Alec Ryder’s convulsing body into that shuttle. I was so shaken up by those hostile aliens that for a minute—in that one minute that mattered—I wasn’t able to move as fast as I should have to save that man’s life.”

Lexi silently looks at Harry, the gravity of his words settling into a pit at the bottom of her stomach.

“Humans, we get slower as we get older. You know this, more than anyone, I guess. And it doesn’t really take that much time for us to get old,” he chuckles sadly. “And if I fail again well, I would have doomed the entire human ark with me.”

Lexi concedes. There was something unsettling about seeing her old friend, once spritely and obsessive over his medical career, now take a step back. But, she supposes, it was inevitable. She just didn’t expect to see it so soon here in Andromeda.

“There’s only so much action an old man like me can take,” Harry finally laughs, knowing full well that the asari doctor is going to agree to trade places with him just by the look on her face. “And don’t even get me started on my arthritis problem.”

“Alright,” Lexi puts her hands up in surrender. “You win. I’ll pull out my transfer form after we dock on the Nexus.”

“Thank you,” he smiles at the asari.

Lexi sighs. She looks over at the many patients laying atop the treatment beds and her eyes land on one Scott Ryder, the Pathfinder’s twin brother, who was currently in a medically induced coma.

Doctors are always needed, Lexi thinks, and not even a 2.5 billion light-year jump to a new galaxy can change all that—occupational hazard well included.

“You look out for this Ryder, and I’ll take care of the other one out there.”

“You can count on it, Lexi.”

* * *

Sara Ryder is not what Lexi expected her to be.

Well, Lexi thinks that Ryder isn’t at all what anyone expected her to be. No one expected the young human to become Pathfinder; she never got any formal Pathfinder training, but Lexi supposes, her training as an N4 would probably cover half of the manual.

Sara Ryder is tough, disciplined, and too stubborn for her own good. But despite herself and her young age, she makes a brilliant Pathfinder. She doesn’t dance around politicians, doesn’t mince words around Director Tann or Addison; she’s blunt, cut-throat, and oddly enough, a little sarcastic.

* * *

They develop a steady patient-doctor relationship, as Lexi likes to put it, what with the quiet hellos and good mornings shared in the Tempest hallways.

The continued stream of emails they send each other, Ryder’s polite thank you’s to Lexi’s daily reminders about her health.

The Pathfinder’s gentle words of encouragement whenever Lexi finds herself too frustrated about her reassignment aboard the Tempest.

Ryder always makes sure to stop by the medbay before she heads out on missions.

“The team and I are heading out in five. Wish us luck, Dr. T’Perro,” the Pathfinder would tell her every single time she’d pass by the medbay, suited up and mission ready.

“Good luck, Pathfinder,” Lexi would reply every single time. “And remember to use the back-up life support this time when things get too difficult out there, alright? I asked Vetra to get you more from the Nexus, so don’t you even worry about running out.”

And Ryder would laugh, it’s a rare sounding thing, one that only a select few get to hear. “What would I do without you, doc?”

“You’d be doomed, probably. Well, not just you but all of us.” Vetra would quip from the armory.

“Undoubtedly,” Lexi would grumble.

* * *

Ryder ends up falling asleep in the medbay sometimes.

Lexi knows the Pathfinder has a perfectly adequate (and not to mention spacious) mattress in her own quarters, but she somehow still ends up snoozing in the medbay. Mostly whenever Lexi’s busy compiling the team’s medical records.

“Here again, Pathfinder?” At this point, Lexi doesn’t even bother looking up from her data pads when the medbay’s doors hiss open. None of the crew members were scheduled for physicals today; only their Pathfinder would have the guts to visit the doctor’s office at her own leisure.

“Just making the rounds,” Ryder would grumble, promptly taking the empty treatment bed farthest away from Lexi. The other woman would fall asleep in less than a few seconds.

An odd one indeed.

* * *

SAM informs Lexi that their Pathfinder does in fact experience trouble with getting a goodnight’s sleep. Ryder’s naps in those uncomfortable treatment beds, despite its irregularity, does contribute to her well-being.

So Lexi makes sure to keep the beds clean and comfortable. She’s even pulled out a blanket for Ryder to use this time.

“Here,” she told Ryder. “I know how cold the air-conditioning can get in this room, for humans especially.”

Ryder wordlessly accepts the wooly blanket with a grateful smile.

Lexi rolls her eyes. She hesitates before tucking the human in. “I have no idea why you choose this uncomfortable hunk of metal over the queen sized bed in your room.”

“It’s not so bad,” Ryder tells her with a surprising amount of sincerity and for a moment, it makes Lexi wonder wether or not they were still talking about treatment beds.

“You don’t sleep here during the night, do you?”

“No,” Sara snuggles into the blanket. “Just during naps.”

“I should hope so.” Lexi smoothes out the wrinkles of the blanket. “We can’t have the Pathfinder developing any back problems due to her poor life choices.”

The human laughs. “Oh, please. With you as my doctor? Not a chance.”

Lexi sighs. “Well, whichever you prefer, it’s still my job to make sure you’re as comfortable as you can possibly be.”

Ryder stifles a yawn before pulling the blanket farther up her chin. “Doing one hell of an amazing job at it too, doc.”

Lexi grins. “Of course I am.”

Ryder starts to doze off.

“I’ll be here if you need me.”

If the human feels safe in here, then Lexi will do her best to keep it that way.

* * *

There’s a certain gentleness about their Pathfinder, and at times, Lexi is able to catch a glimpse of that still young human who is currently carrying the weight of an entire galaxy atop her shoulders. 

The first time she sneaks a peak is when Ryder tries to casually ask her out on a date.

A _date._

Her and a patient.

Dating.

If that isn’t the most ludicrous thing to have ever graced Andromeda, then she doesn’t know what is.

It was a poor attempt, really. One that caught Lexi completely off-guard.

“I’d love to hear you talk about that more,” Ryder tells her, voice steady as it always is. “Maybe... over dinner sometime?”

At 275 years old, there‘s hardly anything that can surprise Lexi, but this— _this_ manages to take the cake, however the human saying goes.

“Oh, the thing is, Ryder...” Lexi looks at her carefully, trying to search for the right words because the last thing she wanted to do was to offend the Pathfinder or, for Athame’s sake, hurt the other girl’s feelings.

Sara looks at her expectantly and oh Goddess, this can’t end well.

“You’re... not really my type,” Lexi finally manages.

If Ryder was hurt or disappointed, she didn’t show it. The human simply leaned against the medbay’s doors with a slight grin and an upturned brow. “Oh? Then what is your type?”

Ah, so she was trying to brush it off as playful banter. Fantastic.

“Not a patient,” Lexi tells her in a flat tone.

She really shouldn’t be caught having playful banter with her boss _and_ patient, of all people. How would Harry react? Oh, this entire thing was the old man’s fault to begin with. “I should avoid any and all distractions while I’m on the Tempest. I don’t want anything getting in the way of my job here as a doctor. I need to be able to look at everyone here clinically— _you_ especially.”

“Am I distracting?” And then Ryder’s grinning at her again and Lexi ends up wondering whether or not this was the real Pathfinder. What happened to Sara Ryder’s legendary military precision? Her no nonsense demeanor that left even the director of the Initiative scrambling for words? This seemed like a completely different person.

Lexi tries to keep an irritated sigh at bay. “Not nearly as much as you think you are, Ryder.”

And that’s when Ryder starts to falter. She offers Lexi one last smile, tight-lipped, a little like the ones she often gives to Addison in those hologram conferences, and the Pathfinder finally leaves the medbay.

Well, Lexi thinks, that could have gone better.

* * *

The next time they speak, it’s on a professional basis and Lexi is grateful.

But this time, this time Ryder is quieter. Sadder. It doesn’t take an asari doctor with a degree in alien psychology to know that something has definitely changed.

* * *

Ryder no longer stops by the medbay before missions.

At least she still uses the steady supply of back-up life support consumables during missions.

That’s a good sign, right?

* * *

No more thank you emails in Lexi’s inbox from the Pathfinder.

* * *

The routine hellos and good mornings shared on the Tempest hallways turn into stiff nods and grunts of acknowledgment.  


* * *

No more burly Pathfinder sleeping like a log at the farthest stretcher of the medbay.

* * *

Lexi is perfectly fine with it. 

* * *

“—like she got her heart broken before she even got the chance to give it away.”

It was a little over midnight in the Tempest’s artificial day and night time cycle when Lexi overheard Vetra and Drack conversing in the galley.

“The kid’ll be fine,” Drack tells Vetra. Lexi can almost picture the old krogan leaning against the kitchen sink, arms crossed against his massive chest. “There’s a little bit of krogan in her, and krogan have four.”

“Four what?” Vetra asks him.

“Four hearts,” he answers. “Besides, she’s young. She’ll meet someone else. Kid like that is bound to.”

“Yeah?”

“Give it time,” he grunts. “She’ll get better. Not gonna hurt any less, but she’ll get better.”

“Guess we’ll find out.”

Lexi decides to walk back to her bunk and wait until morning to get her glass of water instead.

* * *

It was fine. Things _were_ fine. And now they’re not.

The Pathfinder’s health is her responsibility as doctor of the team. That includes said Pathfinder’s mental health, and by the looks of it, the human doesn’t seem to be doing well at all.

It’s petty. It’s ridiculous. She doesn’t have the time to babysit a heartbroken teenager. She has an entire crew to look out for, every single one of them more stubborn and reckless than the last.

So, against her better judgement, Lexi decides to confront the resident krogan, one who is slowly turning into something of a father figure for Ryder.

“How is she?” Lexi brings it up during one of their mandatory routine check-ups. Lexi knows that she doesn’t need to bring up a name for him to know who she was asking about.

Drack regards her for a while. If Lexi was a lesser psychologist, she wouldn’t have been able to tell that the krogan was trying to scrutinize her from sheer will and eye-contact alone. “Who do you mean?”

Irritated, Lexi releases a long exhale. “You know who I mean, Drack.”

The krogan grunts. “You’re the doctor here. You tell me.”

“Exactly. I’m the doctor here and yet no one seems to be listening to me.” Lexi uses more force than necessary to pierce the krogan’s thick hide with a needle. She needed a blood sample from him to check on his protein levels, though she doubts it’s improved at all since last time.

“Easy, doc,” Drack grumbles. “Just go ask her yourself why don’t you?”

“How can I when she keeps on avoiding me like the bubonic plague?”

“The bubonic what?”

“Never mind.”

“Look, doc, I’d love to tell you all about the kid. Not gonna lie, storm’s probably brewing in that mind of hers,” he gravely tells her. “But she’s a friend and she puts a lot of trust in me, and I’m just not the type to break other people’s trust.”

Lexi feels like breaking a scalpel, but—and it takes a tremendous amount of effort—she keeps her face perfectly neutral. “I understand, and that is quite noble of you, Drack. However, I am her doctor and her well-being is my responsibility.”

“You’re her doctor, sure. You’re everyone in this ship’s doctor. That’s a huge responsibility, and believe me, I know what it’s like to be responsible for a shit ton of people,” he pauses. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t be a friend to the ones you’re looking out for.”

Lexi wants to argue with him; she can already think of ten good reasons why she should. But she doesn’t. She only looks at him, and waits for him to finish speaking—lecturing, more like.

“All she needs is a friend, doc.” He finally says, voice softer somehow. “Give her a break, will ‘ya? Kid’s already lost so much in so little time. So she’s a little hard headed, but she’s young, and that means she’s still got a lot to learn.”

Lexi sighs. “I just want her to know that I’m not the enemy and if I,” she stutters, trying to think of the correct word, “if I _did_ hurt her, I didn’t meant to.”

Drack actually chuckles. “She already knows that. I’m pretty sure she does. She’s only young, not a child.”

“Then why does she have to be so petty about it?”

“She just needs time,” Drack stands up to leave. “And by the looks of it, you do too. It’ll work itself out, doc, you’ll see.” He says before exiting the medbay.

So Lexi gives the Pathfinder time.

* * *

The old krogan was right.

It’s a slow, delicate process. But time heals heartbreak, like it does most wounds. Ryder comes back to the medbay during physicals; the previous pace and comfort they’ve set for each other is still absent but, Lexi muses, this is better than nothing.

Ryder replies to her emails again; a short polite quip about her thesis on krogan virility, a grateful thank you to her gentle reminder on the Pathfinder’s necessary caloric intake, and even a sarcastic remark about how asari perfected yoga poses (something about the names for the poses sounding typical and quite elitist for her species). 

Lexi takes pride in her professionalism, it’s one that bleeds into every aspect of her person. She’s a doctor after all, and she’s conditioned herself to be this way ever since she left Omega.

She knows her relationship with the Pathfinder is a rocky one and the only way to fix it, well the simplest way to fix it, is to address the dreaded fiend in the room (Lexi thinks that her time spent with so many humans has caused her to use too many human metaphors).

The best place to approach Ryder with this delicate matter was in the medbay, during one of their check-ups.  


It was easier to bring it up here, rather than to drag the woman elsewhere. It was a safe space for the both of them to flesh out their issues with one another.

“Listen, Ryder,” she softly starts. The young woman was sitting impossibly still on one of the treatment beds, hands placed above her lap like an Alliance soldier waiting for her commanding officer. “What I said about dinner—”

“I get it,” Ryder brushes her off, “don’t worry about it, Lexi.”

“I... I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.” Lexi felt the familiar feeling of guilt wash over herself, which was quite unnerving because of the despicable timing. Why feel guilty now when she was finally owning up to the problem?

“I know, okay? I do.” Ryder offers her a sincere smile. It’s soothing. “And I’m sorry for avoiding you these past few weeks. That was stupid of me. It really was.”

And then they’re both still, with only the gentle hum of the machinery in the medbay filling in the gaps of their silence.

”Hey,” Ryder looks at her, worry present in her eyes. “Water under the bridge, yeah?”

Water under the bridge. A human metaphor for let’s start over, was it? Something similar to that anyway.

“Don’t call yourself stupid,” Lexi mumbles. “Stubborn, sure. Reckless, definitely. But stupid? Now, there’s a reach.”

Ryder laughs. It’s like hearing a forgotten childhood melody. “And there’s the Lexi I know.”

Lexi rolls her eyes.

Silence settles again. This time, it’s less terrifying than before.

Sara gives Lexi another smile, one that’s more relaxed and friendly. “Well, um, I should probably get going. Liam’s next, isn’t he? Shouldn’t keep him waiting. Who knows what sort of trouble he’ll get himself into before he even gets the chance to sit here.” She finally stands up to leave.

“I’ll be here if you need me,” Lexi offers.

Ryder lingers at the door, her back turned against the asari. “I know,” she says softly, barely audible, a whisper, maybe something Lexi wasn’t supposed to hear. But the Pathfinder shakes it off, squares her shoulders, and speaks using a much clearer voice. “Thanks, Lexi. I’ll see you later.”

Baby steps, at least.

* * *

Lexi doesn’t know why the Tempest stowaway affected her so much; maybe it was because Peebee would always find a way to purposefully offend her, maybe it was because of the way Peebee was so unlike her—so uncaring, unrestrained, unpredictable, _free_.

(Maybe it was in the way the other asari looked at Sara Ryder, always a lingering glance that settled a little too lower than necessary. Always a lingering touch, a seemingly innocent brush— _innocent? Goddess, the first time they met, she straddled Sara to the ground._ At least, that was what Cora had told her. _Ridiculous_.

Why was she even thinking about this? She shouldn’t be thinking about this. It wasn’t her business.) 

Peebee was smart, fiercely intelligent even, much like how Lexi is. But unlike Lexi, Peebee managed to balance both sides of the spectrum—she was both academically inclined _and_ a formidable fighter. Lexi had no interest in becoming a rogue academic, not in her lifetime, but the other asari was everything Lexi wasn’t.

Maybe that’s why it stung; every little quip and argument she had had with Peebee always left her drained and hurt.

Maybe because Peebee had a point.

And the fact that it was pointed out by someone who was everything Lexi could not become—someone like _Peebee_ —maybe that’s why it led her to run off into the forsaken bar at the Nexus.

Anan, the bartender of the Vortex, kept on giving her worried looks. The other asari probably thought she was being subtle about her glances, or perhaps she just took pity on Lexi. Lexi, the lonely asari doctor who frequents the bar with no friends to share drinks with. Well, Kosta was standing near her, sharing a pint with an angara—unbothered by her presence or perhaps he simply didn’t care to acknowledge her. Gil was at the other end of the room, shuffling a deck of playing cards, goading a salarian into playing poker with him.

Lexi looks down at her half-empty glass of wine. Her crew members were present at the bar and yet none of them seemed to care or mind that she was sitting alone in a small corner of the room all by herself. Figures. Maybe Peebee was right, after all.

She sighed, swirling the deep red liquid in her glass. It was enough to distract her from noticing the Pathfinder from approaching.

“There you are,” came Ryder’s familiar voice.

Lexi didn’t bother looking up.

“We didn’t know why you left.” Sara slowly slid into the seat in front of her table. “The crew’s worried about you.”

Lexi glanced over at Kosta and Brodie who were both lost in their own worlds. “I’ll say.”

“Everything okay?” Sara asked her; a gentle, hesitant voice.

“Why?” Lexi finally looked up. “Is it really that unusual for me to be here? Is it because you think I can’t have fun?”

“No, I meant no offense,” the other woman stuttered. “It’s just...”

“Just what?”

Sara looked at her remorsefully. “It’s just that you don’t really look like you’re having fun.”

Lexi sighed. This wasn’t professional; Sara, the Pathfinder, her boss, was trying to help her get out of this funk, this existential crisis she was having. She was an asari, for Goddess’ sake, an existential crises should be the least of her worries. The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on her and yet... she found herself leaning on Ryder for some semblance of comfort.

“I grew up on Omega,” she started. “You’d think I would know how to drink. But the truth is, the only alcoholic beverage I can probably stomach is wine.”

Sara waited patiently, all doe-eyes with the kind of calmness that drew people towards her.

“Peebee thinks I don’t care about the crew—that you’re all just experiments to me.” Lexi places her wine glass atop the table and peeks a glance over at Ryder. “Is that how you think I see you?”

Ryder meets her eyes with a steady gaze. “Since when did you care about what Peebee thinks?”

Lexi bites the inside of her cheek. She really shouldn’t be doing this. Maybe it’s the loud techno music of the bar. Maybe it’s the wine. Maybe it’s the company. “All my exes thought the same thing, hence why I’m taking a break from relationships.”

“Is that why you turned down dinner? Not because I wasn’t your type?”

“Yes—I, no! Ryder.” The wine. It was definitely the wine. “You didn’t answer my question. Is that how you think I see you?” She doesn’t know why this was so important to her but she decides to blame it on the alcohol.

Ryder smiles. “You wouldn’t be here moping in this bar if you just saw us as experiments, Lexi. It means you care a lot about us, about our opinions. Even about Peebee’s.”

“I don’t mope,” Lexi grumbles. “But you do have a point.”

“I know your assignment to the Tempest has been tough for you,” Sara tells her. “But you’ve already become a valued member of this team, you just can’t see it. Everyone in the crew cares about you, Lexi.”

Lexi looks over at Gil and Liam again. “Sure they do.”

Sara notices. “It was Suvi who contacted me over the comms to go look for you. Gil emailed me to come and try to cheer you up. Liam told me he was making sure no one tried to bother you at your table. Even Anan left me an email, told me to look for you here at the Vortex.”

Lexi blinks, surprised by the information given to her. “Really?” She feebly mutters.

“Really,” Sara grins. “We all care about you, not because you keep us healthy—well, that too—but because you’re Lexi, member of the Pathfinder team. Things wouldn’t be the same without you. Even Peebee knows that.”

Lexi smiles. “Thanks, Ryder.”

“Always,” the human replies.

“I should probably get back to the Tempest.” Lexi sets aside her wine glass.

“What about your wine?”

“I’ll save that for another day.”

Sara nods. “Walk you back to the ship?”

Lexi pauses, and attempts to regard the other woman.

“Not as, you know, but as friends!” Sara tumbles over herself, hands held up in surrender. “Of course as friends! I didn’t—I _don’t_ mean anything by it or this, well—I mean, I do! In nothing but a completely friendly, platonic um, way.”

Lexi releases a small chuckle. This was a new side of Sara. It was oddly endearing. “Alright, Pathfinder. Let’s walk back to the Tempest together. Before you end up having a seizure.”

The human visibly relaxes, a long sigh of relief escaping her lips. “Cool—I mean, yeah. Good. We need to prep for takeoff now, anyway. Tann’s been breathing down my neck about trying to establish an outpost down on Havarl.”

“Ah, so nothing new then.”

Sara playfully jabs the asari’s shoulder.

* * *

Things are easier now.

Lexi doesn’t feel left out anymore. The crew talks to her outside of routine check-ups now; silly banter, casual arguments, even pleasant small talk. Sara might have had something to do with it but even if she has, no one points it out. Even Peebee is less aggressive towards her—the other asari stopped by the medbay, voluntarily this time. Well, Peebee pouted at her for a few seconds before stomping away, but it was certainly an improvement.

However, there was something bothering their Pathfinder.  


After a week long mission on Havarl, they decided to dock back on the Nexus for some well-deserved shore leave. Sara mentioned something about checking in with Captain Dunn and SAM node back on the Hyperion. But since then, the Pathfinder hasn’t been her usual self.

There were instances where Lexi would catch the young woman staring blankly off into space, moments where she’d just sit still, eyebrows scrunched together in deep thought. There was a faraway look in her eyes, as though she was trying to search for something other than home in the cosmos.

The Tempest was on its way to Aya when Lexi caught the Pathfinder sitting alone again on one of the sofa’s in the meeting room.  


It was already past the Pathfinder’s bedtime; the rumpled shirt and tousled hair indicated that she’s been rolling around restlessly in her bed before she got there.

Lexi came up holding two mugs of tea, one brewed from earth (courtesy of Suvi) and one from her home planet. She knew Sara would be here at this hour, it’s become something of a routine for the young Pathfinder. 

Sara looks up at her, surprised. 

“Maybe this will help,” Lexi offers her the mug. “It’s still piping hot though, so you might want to wait a bit for it to cool.”

“Thank you, Lexi.” Her voice is quiet, raspy. It lacks its usual quality; the voice she reserves for crew meetings, conferences, and even for those impromptu speeches Tann surprises her with. At this moment, Sara only looks tired.

“I knew I’d find you here.” Lexi makes sure to keep her voice calm and steady. She settles beside the Pathfinder, a good amount of space in between. “You’ve been sitting out here a lot lately.”

“I like looking up at the stars.” But she isn’t looking at the window.

“So I’ve heard,” Lexi teases. It makes Sara smile a little bit, something Lexi considers a win in her book.

Sara sips at her mug. The Tempest feels oddly still, as though they were suspended in an unceasing time continuum, unmoving, with only the reflection of the stars to keep them company.

Well, and each other, Lexi muses. 

“Something’s bothering you, Sara.” Lexi tells her.

Sara leans against the hull of the ship, eyes now looking towards the sea of endless stars. Lexi tries to ignore the mild flutter in her chest caused by the view—the stars or Sara, she has no idea which among the two.

“You know you can talk to me about anything,” Lexi hears herself saying. It sounds a little too desperate, but then again approaching someone at the dead of night with carefully brewed tea did sound a tad desperate already. Lexi brushes the pesky thoughts away.

“Remember those eidetic triggers I talked to you about?”

“Of course,” Lexi looks at her, trying to mask her own confusion.

“I’ve unlocked more memories, and it just keeps getting worse, Lexi. The more I dig, the scarier it becomes.” Sara’s eyes are glazed now, much like the how the Tempest’s windows would be on a humid planet.

“What was it this time?”

Sara releases a shaky exhale. “I don’t think I’m really ready to talk about the other stuff I found out. Not yet. But there’s something else, something everyone has the right to know about.”

Lexi patiently waits. She tries to focus on the heat of the mug between her palms, tries to will her own fears away. Because if that something was enough to spook this brave, fearless soul who took down kett command centers on a single whim, then it must truly be something akin to a nightmare.

“The truth behind the Andromeda Initiative,” Sara starts.

Lexi grips her mug tighter.

And Sara tells her everything.

Sara tells her about the war that came to the Milky Way, about the mysterious benefactor who decided to put 20,000 colonists of each species as a futile attempt to save each one from extinction.

She tells her about the Reapers, the cycle, and the end of the Protheans.

Lexi finds out about Jien Garson, about how Sara found evidence of the woman’s murder on the Nexus. She was killed in her own apartment, trying to hide from hidden powers. The few remaining moments of Garson’s life was spent drowning in paranoia, desperately hiding from the Initiative’s unknown benefactor. It was all covered up, blamed on the scourge.

And Garson’s murderer... Sara says that murderer is still out there.

Andromeda wasn’t a new beginning, she says, it was the last resort to save the Milky Way.

It was all Sara’s burden to carry now because no one else knew except for Jien Garson and Alec Ryder—people, _good_ people, who carried the secret to their graves.

Lexi could only stare blankly at the other woman, the weight of the Pathfinder’s words settling into a pit at the bottom of her stomach. It was too much to take in.

“It‘s why we haven’t been able to contact any of the bases back in the Milky Way. No one knows what happened back there, if they’re still out there.” Sara pauses. She looks towards distant stars, jaw clenched, voice quiet. “It’s why being Pathfinder matters even more now.”

Lexi puts her mug down. She slowly scoots closer to Sara, who’s voice was starting to tremble, starting to crack, eyes glazed over by a thin sheet of wetness, of the promise of tears.

“For all we know, we could be the only ones left, Lexi. The only remnants left of an entire galaxy,” she whispers, a desperate sob shaking her shoulders.

Lexi quickly reaches out for her, wrapping her arms around the young human’s head. She holds her still on a sturdy shoulder, rubs her back, shuts her eyes. Maybe if she closes them hard enough, Sara wouldn’t be so broken anymore.

“Oh, Sara,” she soothes, “I had no idea. I... I don’t know what this will mean for the Initiative, for any of us, but I’m _here_ —I’ll be here for you.” 

_ You don’t have to be strong all the time. It’s okay. Cry. _

And it’s a mantra she tells both herself and Sara because it wasn’t fair, nothing has been in Andromeda so far. Sara clutches on to her like a lifeline, a series of uncontrollable sobs breaking out of her now seemingly small and feeble frame.

Sometimes, for all of Sara’s bravery and strength, Lexi forgets how truly fragile and soft a human body actually is. It’s a funny thing to think about when you’re a doctor specializing in alien anatomy, when you’re someone who should know the typical amount of pressure it takes to pierce a needle through human flesh.

But Sara Ryder has never been typical. Sara Ryder has always been strong, always been heroic, always been troublesome. Laws of nature be damned.  


It doesn’t feel that way this time around.

Lexi tightens her hold on Sara, afraid that anything less might make the other woman fall apart even more.

“You’ll bring us home,” Lexi tells her. “You will. We believe in you, Sara. I do.”

And Sara burrows her head deeper against Lexi’s chest. A small nod. A trembling exhale. Two hands helplessly clutching at the back of Lexi’s shirt. The mild scent of Sara’s shampoo enveloping her senses. It’s not uncomfortable. It makes Lexi feel. It gives her purpose.

And they stay that way, until the distant speck of Aya settles in the horizon.

* * *

After they dock on Aya, Lexi receives an email from the Pathfinder. 

_Subject: Thank You_

_From: Sara Ryder_

_Dr. T’Perro,_

_I can’t thank you enough for last night. I’m glad someone was there for me. More importantly, I’m glad it was you. The last time I cried that hard was when mom passed away. Maybe things would be easier if Scott were around; he always was the calmer twin, he took after mom in a lot of ways. But still, I’m glad I got it out of my chest. I needed that. It’s nice to know that I have someone I can rely on when things become too much for me to handle alone._

_Don’t know how I’ll break the news to the crew yet or if I should at all. This is gonna be the hardest part._

_But I’ll be okay. With you as my doctor, I’ll be better than okay. You always know how to fix me up. I’m grateful._

_I owe you, doc. I really do. I’ll get us home, don’t you worry._

_Sara_

_P.S: Sorry about your shirt. Probably got it stained with tears and human snot, huh? I’m really sorry about that, Lexi!_

There are several ways a person can tell you they trust you.

Either they’ll tell you face to face, _I trust you_ , and make you understand how much it means to them or they’ll ask you to make a promise.

In this case, Lexi found out that Sara Ryder trusts her because of shared tea, a stained and rumpled night shirt, and a short but heartfelt email.

Sara may not have told her the words but, despite the mess and all the pain, Lexi still manages to smile because she has the evidence to prove it. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are bad in Andromeda. It’s chaos. But Lexi thinks she has it even worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just your average asari doctor trying to stop herself from falling in love with you know who

It starts with a loud crash from the back of the ship’s hull, the ear deafening screech of steel scratching against steel. 

It’s the dead of night in the Tempest, the crew’s asleep apart from their lone salarian pilot, and they’re left drifting somewhere along Elaaden’s orbit. 

It’s the rapidly blinking red lights that causes Lexi to jolt up from her bunk, nearly hitting herself on the head in the process. Cora, bunked from above her own, scrambles to her feet in a flare of blue biotics. 

“What’s going on?” Lexi’s on her feet as well, searching around their shared quarters only to find it engulfed in the same dim red light. 

“It can’t be. It’s the Tempest’s alarm for intruders.” Cora deftly reaches for a pistol from the shelves. “Suvi, Lexi, stay here.”

Another crash jolts the Tempest, sounds of footsteps boarding, too many to be considered their own. The ship shakes, sending them all off balance. 

“Goddammit,” Cora picks herself back up, steadies her footing. “Ryder, do you copy? Where are you? I think we have intruders aboard the Tempest!”

“How did this happen!?” Suvi’s on the floor, scrambling for her knocked over plushies and flasks. “The Tempest would have detected any approaching vessels a mile away!”

Kallo’s voice rings through the comms. _“They used the same stealth drive! I have no idea how they managed to get their hands on one! I’m so sorry everyone, this is all my fault!”_

_“They got balls thinking they can take us down,”_ Drack grumbles. _“We’ll take care of these low-life scavs, don’t you worry, kid. You just focus on keeping us afloat.”_

“Lieutenant Harper,” SAM calls. “There are currently 16 unauthorized boarders on the Tempest, and I detect more heat signatures on the enemy vessel tethered to us.” 

Cora springs into action. With practiced ease, she quickly fastens one of the bulletproof vests from the shelves around herself. “SAM, is the Pathfinder awake?”

_“I’m up! This isn’t exactly the kind of wake-up call I can snooze through.”_ Ryder grits into the comms. _“Helios day one, anybody?”_

_“Ugh, not again!”_ Liam groans. _“Can’t I ever get a goddamn break already!?”_

_“If these bastards even think about touching POC!”_ Peebee quips in, the sounds of shuffling sifting through the intercom. 

_“Uh, in case anyone’s wondering where I am, I’ve locked myself in the engine drive core. Need to make sure the Tempest is fine from up here,”_ Gil adds. _“Not that that’s important or anything.”_

_“Shoot now, talk later!”_ Vetra grunts. 

The sound of gun shots reverberate around the Tempest. 

“The Pathfinder is currently under enemy fire without armor,” SAM tells them. “She is left without firearms in her person or immediate vicinity.” 

Lexi feels a string of panic grip her chest. “Sara, where are you?”

_ “Little busy at the moment!” _

_“Suvi, I need you on the bridge!”_ Kallo splutters. _“Quick! They’re trying to override control of the ship and alter course!”_

“I’m on my way, Kallo!” Suvi yells back. 

“I’ll escort her there!” Cora offers. “Let’s go Dr. Anwar. Lexi, you’re coming with us. Move it people, we’re evacuating to the bridge!”

Lexi refuses to move, her attention drawn towards the scattered pistols and vests near the cabinets. “Sara needs help. You go ahead, I’ll catch up with you later.”

“What!? No! It’ll be safer if you come with us! I can come back for Ryder later.” Cora argued over the sound of bullets piercing steel. “We’re wasting time, Dr. T’Perro! We need to move!”

“Then, go!” Lexi yells, diving for a vest and two pistols on the floor. “In case you’ve forgotten, Lieutenant, you’re not the only biotic in this room,” she casts a flare of blue energy around herself, encompassing her body in a thin shield barrier. She holds up the gun. “I’ll make sure these get to the Pathfinder.”

_“Suvi!?”_ Kallo shrieks. _“Now! They’re getting a hold on our sensors!”_

“Damnit,” Cora grits. “Suvi, come on.”

“Aye, I’m on it!”

The two other women leave the dorm rooms through the connected bathroom. Once alone, Lexi composes herself. “SAM, where is Sara?”

“In the medbay, Dr. T’Perro. She is currently outnumbered by the angara in the room.”

“The angara?” 

_“They are not scavengers,”_ Jaal announces. _“They are Rokaar!”_

Lexi launches herself out of the room, ducking against the barrage of bullets ricocheting around the ship’s hallways. Drack, who was fighting against five stowaways by the galley, immediately takes notice of her. 

“Doc! Where do you think you’re going!?” The brutal sound of bones cracking against his war hammer sends an unpleasant jolt through Lexi’s spine. One of the armored angara directs their attention at Lexi and attempts to shoot her with a rifle until Drack takes him by the throat and tosses him across the bathroom. “Try that with me, you quadless little shit!”

“I’m on my way to help Ryder!” Lexi yells, biotic shield still in place. She grips the gun and vest tighter. 

A loud laugh bellows from the krogan. “That’s the spirit! Join in on the fun, doc! I knew you had it in you!” Another angara attempts to charge at him, and he promptly offers them a headbutt in return. 

The medbay’s door hiss open and Lexi’s met with the sight of a blood-stained Sara Ryder struggling underneath the body of an equally battered angara. The intruder was desperately trying to pin the woman’s back against the floor. There were several other lifeless angara bodies littered around the medbay, likely the work of the Pathfinder herself, despite her lack of weapons and armor. 

Lexi makes sure to seal the medbay from any other intruder before pointing the gun at the offender on top of the Pathfinder. He pulls out a dagger from his hip, straddles Sara to the ground with brute force, and attempts to angle it against her throat. 

“You don’t deserve to live, _vesagara!_ ”

Sara grunts in response, using all her strength to writhe against him and hold the angara’s hand in place above her, the tip of his dagger now just a hair’s breadth away from her neck.

Not a moment too soon, Lexi pulls the pistol’s trigger, and the angara howls in pain before lying limp above Sara. 

Sara looks up at the asari in surprise. 

“Lexi!? What the hell are you doing out here? Cora was supposed to take you to the bridge!” Sara huffs, pushing the dead body away from her. 

Lexi quickly helps the other woman to her feet. 

Sara was only wearing a loose tank top and some pajamas, all stained with a mixture of red and blue blood, hers and angaran. Her hair was lose, wild, sticking against her sweaty and grimy face. There were no serious injuries save for the several cuts around those broad shoulders, and she was breathing heavily, pupils blown out and muscles flexing against every heave of her chest. She looked like a warrior, if Lexi’s ever seen one.

And it’s _ridiculous_ how much Lexi finds it appealing at such inopportune timing. 

“You’re welcome,” Lexi merely grumbles, shoving the pistol in Sara’s hands. “The real question is why didn’t you arm yourself first before diving head-on in a fight!? Look at you, you’re completely exposed, Sara!”

Lexi tries to ignore the way the other woman’s stomach flexes, the thin material of the human’s tank top making it all too difficult for her. 

Sara clenches a strong jaw, runs her hands through damp hair, wipes away beads of sweat and grime from her face. It’s absurd it’s what it is. “They were after our medical profiles. They were about to send it back to Akksul, I had to stop them before it was too late.”

“The medical profiles?” Lexi stares at her, confused. A series of gunshots echo outside, along with Drack’s voice roaring one of his famous clan battlecries. “I don’t understand, why would they be after that?”

Sara kicks one of the bodies on the floor, and fishes out a data pad from underneath. “They were after this,” she points out. 

The medical profile of the crew of the Tempest, containing an intricate analysis of each member: strengths, weaknesses, psychological assessment, medical backgrounds, past injuries, things any enemy can use against them. 

“Of course,” Lexi mumbles. 

A loud thud comes from outside of the door, and Peebee’s head peeks up at the medbay’s window with her bot, Zap in tow. She raps the butt of her pistol against the glass. _“Um, hello!? We’re being attacked here! Now isn’t the time for whatever it is you two are up to!”_

Drack’s laughter overpowers the sounds of gunfire from somewhere in the galley. _“For Nakmor!”_

_“You might wanna go easy on them, old man, or else you might blow the hull of the ship—and us—out into vacuum!”_ Cora yells into the intercom.

_“Relax, Harper,”_ comes the krogan’s easygoing reply. Another loud thud. 

Sara sighs. “Come on, we’re getting you to the bridge. You shouldn’t even be out here in the first place.”

“I shouldn’t be out here in the first place?” Lexiglares at the other woman. “I just saved you from getting stabbed in the neck which, by the way, could have killed you!”

“I had it under control, Lexi. What if you got shot on your way here? I’m not the only one who isn’t wearing any armor.”

“I’m asari. We’re biotic, Sara!”

Someone cleared their throat over the comms. _“Uh, guys?”_ It was Kosta. _“I know this probably doesn’t mean much coming from me but... now’s really not the time, yeah?”_

_“Sara has a point though, Lexi,”_ Suvi quietly adds. _“It’s safer for us to be on the bridge.”_

_“I’ll make sure it is,”_ Cora tells them. 

_“Aw, why’d you guys have to interrupt?”_ Peebee quips over the static. _“I was seriously just starting to enjoy myself.”_

Lexi crosses her arms, dutifully ignoring Sara’s pointed look at her. “Fine, but only if Sara arms herself first and promises to stop being so reckless. Human skin isn’t exactly thick enough to be considered natural armor!”

_“Heh, understatement of the century,”_ Drack chuckles.

“Fine!” Sara grunts, eyebrows scrunched in mild irritation. She reaches for the vest under Lexi’s grip, pulls the object close to her, and stares down at the asari with clear determined eyes. “But we’re getting you on the bridge where it’s safer, and you’re going to stay there until we handle things out here.”

Lexi stands her ground. She doesn’t let go of the armor, she pushes it closer to Sara’s body instead. She meets the Pathfinder’s expression with an equal amount of frustration. _“Fine,”_ she grits out. 

Lexi tries not to think about the blueness of Sara’s eyes, about how sincere they look. Their faces are inches apart, close enough for Lexi to see the smaller cuts on Sara’s face, the tiny freckles dotting her cheeks, the little baby hairs atop her foreheard. Then, she lets her eyes traitorously slide down Sara’s lips. She’s dangerously close. She can almost feel the other woman’s breath against her own. 

But another crash comes from outside the medbay. More gunshots. More angara yelling in their native tongue. 

And the moment ends before it’s even begun. 

Sara is the first to pull away.

Lexi lets go of the vest as though she’s been burned.

Sara quietly fastens the armor around herself. “Fine,” she says weakly. “Let’s um, let’s get you to the bridge.”

_“More Rokaar reinforcements are boarding the ship!”_ Jaal seethes through the comms. 

“I won’t let anything happen to you,” Sara tells her in a steady voice before she unlocks the doors. “Just stay close to me.”

_‘That’s the thing isn’t it?’_ Lexi ponders. 

There’s a fight going on in the Tempest, but there’s a storm brewing in her chest, and it’s tearing down every single rule Lexi has built for herself at terminal velocity. 

* * *

The Tempest made it safely to the Initiative outpost on Elaaden. They had help from the krogan colony, who tracked down any remaining stragglers from the Rokaar ship that attacked them. 

Thankfully, the breach in the ship’s hull was surprisingly small. The Rokaar’s mission was to quietly extract the team’s medical profiles in a discreet manner, but things didn’t go as planned when SAM alerted the Tempest’s security before they could finish boarding. In their panic, the Rokaar decided to attack the crew instead of leaving empty handed. 

None of the crew members were badly injured, save for Kallo’s pride; the salarian immediately went to work trying to figure out how an angaran vessel was able to mimic their stealth drive. 

Meanwhile, the Tempest had to undergo repairs, which left them practically stranded on the dessert planet until further notice. 

Lexi settled herself in the outpost clinic with permission from the outpost leader, Kariste Archana, who was also a fellow asari. 

“Is there anything else you need, Dr. T’Perro?” She politely asked Lexi on her way out of the clinic.

“Would you mind telling the rest of my crew to kindly refrain from going out in the dessert?” It was also a plea for Kariste to avoid sending out the Pathfinder team on missions while they were here. “Just until they get the right amount of rest.”

Thankfully, the other asari understood. “I’ll be sure to get the point across, Doctor,” she offered Lexi one last nod before heading out. 

“Thank you.”

Liam, her current patient, was sitting on one of the stretchers, diligently waiting for her to finish cleaning up the large cut on his shoulder. An angara managed to slice a dagger through one of his shoulder blades, it was on the shallow side, but still too big for medigel to handle alone. It required stitches to heal properly.

“So,” the human drawled, his legs dangling freely from his perch on top of the treatment bed. “You and the Pathfinder. Things got intense back there, huh?”

“Are you sure you want to bring this up to the person who’s about to pierce you with a needle?” Lexi made quick work with sterilizing the needle. “Because there’s still some time to reconsider.”

“I’ll take my chances,” he laughs. “Ryder can handle herself out there pretty well. She’s probably the toughest one in the crew, apart from Drack. Well, she has to be, she’s the Pathfinder. But arguing with the doctor? Now that takes _steel_.” 

“Hold still now, I’m about to start,” Lexi mumbles, eyes now focused on the task at hand. She lets her steady fingers take over, and relies on muscle memory. “I don’t know if I should feel flattered or offended. Get to the point, Kosta.” 

“You don’t need to worry about her that much,” he tells her candidly. “Ryder’s tough. Saw her take down three fiends in a krogan Rite of Passage once. It was intense. And pretty cool, of course.”

“Well, someone needs to do all of the worrying,” Lexi smoothly tied the thread into a clean knot. “Good thing that’s my job then, hm?”

“Yeah? But running to her, in the middle of an ambush?” Kosta makes a low whistle. “I think that’s a little above your pay grade, doc.”

Lexi pulls on the knot a little harder than necessary before cutting it off, taking advantage of the fact that she didn’t use any form anesthesia for the small operation. Sometimes talking to Kosta felt like pulling teeth, and not the satisfying kind. 

“Ow!” He seethes. 

“You’re implying I don’t care about the welfare of the team’s captain?”

“No, I didn’t mean that!” He puts his hands up in surrender. “I’m just saying that you risked your life for her.” 

Lexi pauses. Her eyes snap up to meet Liam’s, and she’s met with a genuine look of—is it fondness on his face? It’s hard to tell with Kosta. 

“Eight people in peril on the Tempest, and you run to Sara,” Kosta grins at her. “Finally getting my point, doc? And don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.”

Lexi presses a cotton gauze, damp with alcohol on his new stitches. 

“ _AH!_ Shit, that stuff burns!”

“You’ll live.” 

* * *

A scientist Sara had rescued from the sand dunes claims that Elaaden experiences an unusual form of solar eclipse that occurs once in every cycle; a large moon sets over the massive red sun of Elaaden, a process that can last for nearly a week’s time. 

They were fortunate or unfortunate enough to be stranded in the planet during this unlikely phenomenon. But, Lexi muses, as she stands still in the makeshift terrace from the krogan colony, overlooking the massive expanse of dessert lands that stretched faraway and into the horizon, she thinks there’s beauty to be found in Elaaden.

A year of blazing hot sun and then rest, in a form of a weeklong gentle night. There was something strangely poetic about it.

The rest of the crew were gathered around a small campfire back in the outpost, waiting for Drack’s grilled adhi meat to finish cooking. Lexi on the other hand, decided she needed to spend some time alone, away from her clinic, away from the Tempest, away from a lot of things... away from one person in particular.

But these days, things rarely go the way she wants them to.

“Hey,” a voice called from behind. It was Sara’s. “Cora was looking for you.”

Lexi didn’t bother turning around to face the other woman. “Just Cora?” 

Sara leans against the rails. “Okay, maybe I was too.”

Lexi can’t help but laugh at that. She knows something has shifted between them after what happened in the medbay. Granted, it was only a short moment, one that could easily be overlooked, but it was enough to make Lexi question herself—enough to make her ‘mope’ alone in a corner. 

“I never thanked you for what you did,” Sara quietly tells her. She fidgets with her thumbs on top of the rails, something Lexi can easily identify as nervous human behavior. “So... thank you, Lexi, for saving my life. Again.”

Lexi finally looks up at the other woman. She tries to tell Sara words only eyes can speak, because she knows she’ll end up hating herself for the words that do come out of her mouth. “It’s just my job, Sara.”

Sara takes a deep breath. “Yeah, well you’re good at it— _great_ at it. Saved me two times now,” she chuckles.

Lexi offers her a weak smile. “I am the best at what I do.”

The hum of Elaaden’s winds masks the silent gaps in their conversation. Lexi doesn’t know what else to say. She doesn’t want Sara to leave her alone, but she doesn’t quite want her to stay either. She’s at a crossroads; one that promises possible heartache and one that promises heartache alone. How can she even choose? 

“I promise to be more careful next time,” Sara suddenly blurts. 

The volume of the other woman’s voice causes Lexi to flinch slightly, and she looks over at Sara who seems to be even more nervous than before she got here. If that were even possible. 

Sara takes another deep breath, releasing it all in one shaky exhale. “I... I don’t want to make your job even harder than it already is. You already have a lot of stuff to worry about and I don’t want to add another one to that list. You... deserve better, Lexi. I’ll try, you know, to do better.”

Lexi can’t help but look at the other woman with every bit of affection she can muster. It must have worked, if the slight redness on Sara’s cheeks were any indication. Lexi smiles at her. “You already are, Sara.” 

She hesitantly reaches for the Pathfinder’s cheek, gently cupping it in her palm. The contrast of their skin tone makes Lexi want to know what it’s like to see more of their flesh pressed together like this. It’s making her greedy; she blames it all on her curious nature as a doctor. But for now, Lexi reprimands herself, a hand on Sara’s cheek is enough. It should be. 

She can tell Sara is trying desperately not to lean on her touch. The Pathfinder holds impossibly still, hoping that the moment won’t break or that the moment isn’t enough.  Because this would be a perfect moment for a kiss, they both know. It would be. Sara’s just waiting for her, she knows. Sara won’t force her into anything. 

Lexi pulls away. She wordlessly tucks her arms around herself because it’s thirty degrees here on Elaaden, but suddenly it’s never felt so cold. 

And Sara understands. She offers Lexi a sad smile, steps back, but she doesn’t turn to leave as Lexi had expected her to. Sara stays.

Lexi searches for the other woman’s eyes, trying to look for an answer to the unspoken question that’s been recking havoc into the four corners of her mind. 

“Never thought I’d be lucky enough to see stars in Elaaden, of all places,” Sara tells her instead, blue eyes looking up at the night sky. 

And the doctor humors her. Because the stars in Elaaden are pretty, aren’t they? But Lexi was only looking at one. A week of starlight after a year of sun.

That, she supposes, would be another good human metaphor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> call me crazy but yes there will be more the rating is M for a reason okay kids
> 
> -drabs


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexi is really trying. The crew knows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tags have been aptly updated “idiots to lovers” because they are. idiots.

Things quiet down.

It goes unspoken, but they avoid each other when the Tempest finally manages to take flight after Elaaden.

They only talk to each other when work requires them to, and Lexi is grateful for it.

(A part of her nags, and nags, and nags, about how she’s missing her chance, her one opportunity to be happy, but Lexi chases those thoughts away with more work, and work, and work.)

She buries herself in her research instead; the horrors and truly fascinating advancement of kett genetics was enough to sober and throw her mind right back into the fray. It was just the thing she needed.

Meanwhile, the Pathfinder kept to her duties quietly and chose to visit Lexi solely for physicals.

It was an odd place to be, Lexi admits. They had only just returned to the more comfortable rhythm they’ve set with each other after Sara bared her soul to her that night in the meeting room—it was something Lexi deeply treasured. But the more they grew closer, the more it became dangerous for the both of them. Lexi supposes this is why there was a human metaphor, the one about moths and flames.

A part of her considered the unthinkable, really, to request transfer back on Ark Hyperion, now that they needed more colonists to be woken up from cryo. But she would immediately squash the thought away every time she’d come across the Thank You e-mail Sara has sent her all those weeks ago. She’d squash the thought away every time she’d spot the little stain on her night shirt (one that still caused her stomach to flip—remembering how Sara’s arms were wrapped around her shoulders, holding on to her as though Lexi was the only anchor for miles, and miles, and miles away—even though she’d loathe, _absolutely loathe_ , to admit). She’d squash the thought away every time she’d spot the little corner of earthen tea by the galley, or the mug Sara used that night.

It was agony in every sense of the word.

But she knew Sara needed her.

It was her job, to take care of the Pathfinder. It was up to Lexi to make sure Sara would be fine, from patching her up after weeklong missions to making sure she ate her vegetables on a daily basis.

And Sara Ryder truly was a troublesome patient, but that didn’t mean Lexi was about to give up on her anytime soon. And if that meant enduring the storm now brewing in her chest, then she would stubbornly man the sails.

* * *

“Doctor T’Perro, I must admit, your current research on advanced kett genetics are truly making a difference,” Professor Herik told her through the intercom. Lexi had submitted every single lick of data she could gather from the kett autopsy she’d conducted just last week (as an attempt to get a certain young human out of her mind, and she’s proud to say that it has more than worked for her favor). “We’ve already relayed the information to the militia, and I made sure they know who to thank for it.”

“Thank you, Professor, but we’ve only barely scratched the surface. I’m certain there’s more I can do.”

“That’s right, with you out there on the field, information about these kett monstrosities would be more available to you than to us,” the salarian said thoughtfully.

“Did you have something in mind?”

“Well, it may be too much to ask, but we might not get a chance to do this again,” he treads. “Lieutenant Saijax mentioned something about the scans the Pathfinder has sent from that kett command base on Voeld. They were different from the ones we usually encounter.

“Doctor Aridana believes that the weather could be an underlying factor. It’s still unclear, but it seems that kett genetics, though based from one specific genome, adapt to climate differently. It may seem like a stretch, but we believe that a Chosen kett based on Voeld, would have a slightly altered DNA structure than that of a Chosen kett based on Eos.”

“It is possible,” Lexi hums. “The closest specie to bear a similar trait would be the vorcha back in the Milky Way.”

“Perhaps there is something in that base in Voeld completely unique from the other command centers,” he finishes. “Although, we might not get the chance to gather enough data if the kett decide to take it back again soon.” 

Lexi blinks, slowly realizing what the scientist was hinting at. At her silence, the salarian decides to continue. 

“Doctor T’Perro, we think this could be the perfect opportunity to find a more concrete weaknesses against the kett,” he tells her in a steady voice. “I’m not asking you to do anything, Doctor, however the Nexus and the science community would truly be grateful should you decide to continue your research to that extent.”

Lexi considers the idea. A thorough investigation of the kett command facility would make all the difference, instead of simply waiting for kett corpses and second-hand information. With things as they are, it was far better to strike while the iron was hot. The asari may be breaking another minor self imposed rule of hers, but if it were for the good of the Initiative and—for Goddess’ sake—the good of the entire Andromeda galaxy itself, then she supposes the odds truly were against her. In fact, this may be the first time in a long time that she finds herself a little proud of breaking one of her own rules. 

“You’re right, Professor,” she hears herself saying. “We shouldn’t let this opportunity pass.”

“Excellent. We’ll inform Director Tann so that he can relay the mission to the Pathfinder herself,” he replies. “Thank you, Doctor. With all of us collaborating together this way, we’ll figure out the kett’s secrets in no time.”

“I’m happy to help in any way that I can, Professor Herik.” 

“Also, I’ll make sure you get a little consultant’s bonus from the director,” he adds lightly. “If I could, I’d even push to give you a raise! You certainly deserve it,” he continues to grumble. “Doctor Aridana definitely agrees.”

Lexi chuckles. “I appreciate it, Professor, but I really am just doing whatever I can to help.” _And it helps to keep me busy in return_ , the asari doesn’t say. 

“Well, we could definitely use someone with your expertise on the science team here on Nexus,” Herik tells her. 

Lexi pauses. She knows that she would have jumped at the opportunity during her earlier days aboard the Tempest. But her mind painfully drifts to a young woman with a lopsided grin and bright blue eyes, along with the faint scent of gun powder mixed with the smell of freshly brewed tea. It was so distinctly her, and Lexi, despite her vehement denial, believes she’ll end up missing it if she were to leave. 

The asari says the words she never thought she would hear herself say out loud, “The Pathfinder— _team_ needs me here.”

“They definitely do, Doctor,” he replies in a good-natured tone. “But I want you to know that we will be more than happy to have you as a part of the science team.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind, Professor,” Lexi says politely instead.

* * *

  
  
The sound of her door hissing open pulls Lexi away from her omnitool. A gentle knock follows. 

“Hey.” It was Ryder, standing stiffly near the doorframe. “I got an e-mail from Tann,” the young woman carefully says, stuffing her hands in her jean pockets. She doesn’t look Lexi in the eye. “It was something about a planetside mission on Voeld, well it was more of a ‘search and acquire’ mission, nothing really too, ah, technical,” Sara pauses to consider her words. “But the weirdest part was that he wanted you to come with us, and I know, I know, it’s not your thing and of course I completely disagreed with him—”

“I’ve already agreed to go, Ryder.”

“—so I spoke to him in the conference room to—wait, what?”

“Professor Herik and I have already discussed it a few of days ago,” Lexi keeps her voice neutral. “And I have agreed to join you.”

“But I thought...” Sara lingers, looking at her with a confused expression. “No, it—they want us to go to the main kett command base. It’s empty now, sure, but Lexi,” she catches the asari doctor’s eyes, “that place is full of horrors you cannot even begin to imagine.”

“I am aware, Ryder,” Lexi smooths the fabric of her jumpsuit. “But this is somewhat of a necessity. Professor Herik and I have agreed that it would be more convenient if I were to see their labs firsthand.”

“Can’t we just send you scans? It’d be easier that way,” Ryder shifts her weight from foot to foot. “And not to mention less risky. I’m sure we can find whatever it is you and the professor are looking for down there fine on our own.”

“No offense, Pathfinder, but no one in the ground-team is as knowledgeable as I am when it comes to exobiology,” Lexi can’t help the smug grin that manages to slip out.

Ryder chuckles, putting her hands up in surrender. “Fair. You got us there.”

“The kett from Voeld uses a unique amalgamation of DNA cells unlike anything we’ve seen before,” Lexi says thoughtfully. “I’d rather not bore you with the details, of course. But the bottomline is, the mission would take much longer if I were not there to guide you along.”

“Alright,” Sara nods. “You make a compelling argument, Doctor.”

Lexi can’t help the mild giggle that bubbles inside her belly, but she manages to keep it at bay and it comes out as an appreciative hum instead. She internally curses herself before clearing her throat, “Part of the job.”

Unsurprisingly, silence settles. Though a familiar scene, it doesn’t feel any less nerve wracking than the first. She nervously bites her lip, eyes forced down on her omnitool as she tries so desperately to ignore the Pathfinder’s distracting presence.

A beat passes and Sara clears her throat. “So,” she slowly starts, and Lexi tries not to groan because she knows what’s about to come next. “How... have you been these past few days?”

“Good,” Lexi tersely replies. She rolls her bottom lip against her teeth, a new tick that she’s developed at 275 years-old because of a seemingly misplaced attraction to a young human. It makes her feel like a bumbling maiden all over again. “Oh, I’ve been good. And you?”

“Good! Good,” Sara all but sputters. “ _Busy_. Um, you know how it is. Pathfinder... business.”

“Oh, yes. Yes, of course,” Lexi nods along. “I suppose we both are,” she pauses. “Busy.”

“Yeah. Yeah, we are.”

“Indeed.”

Ryder clears her throat loudly, it’s volume surprising both of them. “Sorry,” she winces. She clears her throat a second time, much softer. “Well, I should probably...” she trails off, pointing towards the direction of the bridge.

“Go? Yes,” Lexi says hurriedly. “Of course. Don’t let me stop you.”

“Yep, yeah. I’m going,” Sara mumbles, before finally taking her leave.

Lexi releases an audible sigh of relief.

“Oh!” Sara’s head pops back in the door. Lexi quickly snaps alert. “And we’ll probably make it to Voeld in less than a week.”

“Yes, alright,” the doctor recovers. “Thank you for informing me, Sara.”

“You’re um, welcome,” the Pathfinder nods. They stare at each other again for a few good seconds.

Lexi clears her throat.

“Well, I’ll be going,” the Pathfinder mumbles again. “For real this time.”

Lexi waits a moment before relaxing. Once she’s certain that the other woman is finally out of earshot, she groans before burying her head in her hands.

That... was disastrous.

(Athame help her.)

* * *

“Did I hear right? You’re actually coming with us on a mission, Doctor Lexi T’Perro?” Peebee saunters next to her in the research hall, elbows propped up against the table. The other asari is using that tone of voice that suggests mockery instead of disbelief. “What so, listening through the intercom isn’t doing it enough for you anymore?”

Lexi keeps a scowl at bay. She refuses to look up from her omnitool. “That would be correct, Pelessaria,” just from peripheral vision alone, she notices the way the other asari’s sly grin falters at the mere mention of the name, and Lexi offers herself a mental pat on the back for it, “And this would be the first and likely only time that I will be joining the team on a mission.”

Peebee hums. “Right, right. Wouldn’t want to get your hands dirty and end up sullying that immaculate and pristine uniform of yours, huh?”

Lexi rolls her eyes. She can already feel a snappy retort forming in her throat, but she decides against it, now all too familiar with the other asari’s tactics. Lexi can be the bigger person, she has to be. Goddess knows the other asari isn’t capable of being one despite all their progress these past few weeks. 

“Then again,” Peebee drawled, leaning the side of her hip against the table, “Not even a newly hatched spitbug would be able touch that pretty little head of yours, considering we’ll have Ryder on the team,” she finishes with a scoff.

Lexi finally looks up from her omnitool. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“Oh please,” the younger asari snorts. “Don’t play coy with me, T’Perro. You’ve practically got the Pathfinder wrapped around your finger. Not exactly a well-kept secret, that.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Peebee chortles, and the sound of it practically grates Lexi’s ears. “You have, what, seven, eight, degrees in Psychology,” she guffaws. “Shouldn’t you be able to tell when a human is showing very specific interest in you?” 

Lexi doesn’t bother with a reply. She simply closes her omntiool and heads back into the medbay through the direction of the lift. On her way down, she hears Vetra’s voice from somewhere back in the research lab. 

“Real subtle, Peanut Butter,” the turian says disapprovingly. 

“What? It’s not like Ryder’s around to overhear,” the younger asari snorts. “Girl sleeps like a log. SAM, the Pathfinder is asleep, isn’t she?”

The AI doesn’t reply. 

“SAM?” Peebee asks again, this time with a more tentative tone.

“Yes,” the automated voice eventually replies. “Confirmed.” Lexi releases a breath she didn’t know she was holding. 

“See?” Peebee scoffs. “No harm, no foul.”

Lexi finally continues her march back to the medbay, face a little flushed from both irritation and embarrassment. Goddess, the entire crew was probably aware by now. Even SAM was in the know, and he technically wasn’t even alive. Well, that was cruel, but if an artificial intelligence made up of lines of code and syntaxes was capable enough to pick up on the unresolved tension between her and the Pathfinder, then there was definitely no denying it now. Not that she was denying it in the first place, but perhaps she was merely fooling herself into believing that it was something only she and Ryder knew about.

She hears the distinct cackle of Peebee come from the upper deck.

Right. With an asari like Peebee around, she should have known better. 

* * *

The idea of going to an uncharted galaxy was, Lexi wouldn’t sugarcoat it, terrifying. The amount of danger lurking in every nook and cranny of the galaxy (and such a vast galaxy it was) is undeniable, only a naive fool would think otherwise. Which is why the Initiative required you to undergo training that should keep you alive during dire circumstances, no matter your listed profession.

Now, Lexi was a doctor. She wasn’t required to have the specific skill set an Alliance soldier or a mercenary would have but, she knows, if the situation would call for it, she would be more than ready. She had a poor handle on a gun, but Lexi liked to consider herself a fairly skilled biotic. 

But, as she stares at the meek reflection of herself wearing her standard issue Heleus Defender Armor, Lexi feels her resolve waver and waver even more. 

“Did it always feel this tight?” She grumbled to herself as she adjusted the stiff cuffs on her wrists. She could hardly breath right in this thing, and she hasn’t even put on her mask yet.

Cora specifically told her to wear this set of armor instead of the standard Initiative armor due to its better heaters and longer life-support. It was a practical choice for a mission on Voeld, but that didn’t mean Lexi wasn’t allowed to loathe it with every inch of her fiber. How her team makes it look so easy to use this particular armor in combat, Lexi could never fathom. 

A knock on the medbay’s doors snapped her away from her own thoughts. Lexi pulled out her omnitool to unlock the door, and it opens in a familiar hiss. 

“Lexi, we’ll be leaving in five,” it was Vetra. Lexi turned around to face the mercenary, and she was greeted by a low-whistle from the turian. “Looking good, doc. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear anything but your doctor’s uniform.” 

“And for good reason, too,” the asari deadpans. “How do you even manage to walk in this thing?”

“You get used to it,” Vetra chuckles. “Besides, once we step out of the Tempest, you’ll find yourself hoping you were wearing something thicker.” 

Lexi sighs as she picks up her mask. She gives herself one last look on the mirror before following Vetra out of the medbay.

“Come on, Ryder wants us to report to the Nomad,” Vetra says as she leads the asari doctor to the cargo bay, where their team was already waiting for them by the vehicle, all suited up and ready to go.

Peebee is the first one to take notice of the doctor. The younger asari immediately lets out an amused chortle, scaling Lexi from head to toe.

“Ha! You’re really going all out on this one, aren’t you, T’Perro? Didn’t even think you owned anything else but your lab coat and your scrubs!”

Lexi ignores the snide comment, choosing instead to continue her stride to the Nomad. Ryder was leaning against the vehicle’s snout, preoccupied by the scans showing on her omnitool about the current conditions of the empty kett command center they were about to visit.

Lexi pointedly clears her throat to announce her arrival so that they may start the mission. The sooner they begin, the sooner they can call it a day.

“Oh, you’re here. Good—” Ryder looks up, and Lexi swears she heard the Pathfinder’s breath hitch, “Wow, Lexi. You look... wow— _I mean_ , good. Good that you’re here,” she clears her throat. “That’s good. We can finally leave.”

Peebee snorts behind the duo. “I call shotgun!” She calls out, before climbing up the Nomad.

“No, Peebee,” Ryder replies. “Lexi, you’re in front. Peebee and Vetra, in the back. Now.”

“Hey, hold on a sec! That’s no fair, Ryder!” Peebee pouts, arms crossed in front of her. Lexi will never admit it to anyone out loud, but the younger asari’s display of childlike behavior about the trivial matter was slightly endearing.

Lexi gives Peebee a sneaky, triumphant smile.

Peebee pouts even further before sticking out her tongue.

“Come on, Peanut Butter,” Vetra grabs the younger asari’s shoulder and guides her into the backseat. “In you go.”

“You guys are tag-teaming me!” Peebee whines, but allows herself to be led anyway.

Lexi can’t help the amused chuckle that manages to slip out of her lips. She slides herself into the passenger side.

“You have everything you need, Lexi?” Sara asks before starting the ignition. The Nomad comes to life in a steady hum, its heaters immediately bursting to life.

Lexi secures herself on the seat’s harness. “If I didn’t, Ryder, I wouldn’t be buckling in my seatbelt.”

“Alright, doc,” Ryder chuckles. “So, we’re good to go then. Kallo, open the ramp. I’m sure you know the rest.”

_“Copy that, Pathfinder_ ,” the pilot replies into their comms channel. _“Godspeed.”_

* * *

“Ryder, I have a question. Just a quick Q, really.” Peebee says nonchalantly from the backseat. 

They had been driving for about twenty minutes now; the glass windows of the Nomad were slowly starting to fog up. But Lexi’s suit, along with the vehicle’s heaters, helped to keep her warm. 

The younger asari peered her head from behind Sara’s backrest, eyes gleaming with mischief. (Lexi knows that face all too well by now.) 

“Did your driving suddenly get better now that Lexi is here with us? You’re not doing it on purpose to impress her or anything, are you?”

“ _Peebee_ ,” the Pathfinder warns, eyes firmly planted on the frost lined glass. “It just so happens that we’re taking a smoother route, alright?”

Peebee hums, clearly unconvinced. Even Vetra makes a sound of disbelief. 

And Lexi can tell, with the way the Pathfinder’s hands tremble on the vehicle’s controls, that the younger asari was on to something. 

The doctor rolls her eyes, but still manages a small smile despite herself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have decided to divide this chapter into two separate parts because it was starting to get too long. next chap should be up soon. 
> 
> (also idk how long this fic will be but by the looks of it, it will be really long. we haven’t even reached the part where Ryder looks for Meridian yet, and that bit’s going to be part of the climax of this fic for sure)
> 
> -drabs


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexi learns a little something about being on a team, part one.

Apart from Peebee’s failed attempts at banter, the rest of the trip was uneventful. Lexi instead busied herself with her datapad, rereading the mission brief containing all known data about the abandoned kett facility. Quite frankly, a small part of her is still at disbelief—why did she even agree to this in the first place? For the completion of her thesis? The pursuit of the unknown? To prove herself to the science community? To help the Militia?

Of course, the irony of the situation isn’t lost in her. The very reason why she wanted to busy herself with her research was now currently sitting right next to her, accompanying her, in fact, to further progress her “noble” pursuits, as Professor Herik puts it. But, like everything else in her life, Lexi chooses to look at the bigger picture. A more concrete weakness against the kett will help the Initiative—and Sara—immensely. Goddess knows this galaxy hasn’t cooperated with them since day one, and what little order Lexi could provide, she would pursue, personal reasons set aside.

They were currently riding through a steady blizzard, the Nomad’s heaters at full swing to help combat the deadly temperature. The windows were laced in a thin sheet of ice and at zero visibility, Sara maneuvered the cumbersome vehicle pretty well, despite protests from Peebee and Vetra in the backseat.

As they progressed farther into their ascent, a towering silhouette began to loom over them, one Lexi can only assume to be the facility. But, as it materializes closer into view, it became evident that the structure resembled a steep mountain with a small opening, what appeared to some sort of cave, waiting at the forefront. Lexi glances at the map on her omnitool, only to find out that this was indeed the famed kett facility.

“A cave?” She mutters incredulously. “According to the mission brief, the facility is located on top of one of the highest peaks in the area. Why are we stopping near a cave?”

“T’Perro, T’Perro, T’Perro,” Peebee starts to sing-song in the backseat. “This is why we can’t all rely on _text_. Experience is the best teacher, I always say,” she continues vaguely. “Now c’mon, c’mon, c’mon! Park already! My butt is starting to cramp up.”

Lexi rolls her eyes. “Ryder, what is she talking about?”

Ryder parks the Nomad a few feet inside the small opening. It offers Lexi a glimpse of the cluttered mess of crates and heaters that disappears deeper into the cave.

“Well, all things considered, hiding the front door of a top-tier base dealing with an uprising resistance faction does make sense,” Ryder tells her casually, releasing the ignition. Lexi blinks. “Don’t worry though, it’s pretty much just a straight climb from up here.”

“Climb?” Lexi parrots. “Did you say climb?”

Peebee starts laughing as she dismounts from the backseat. “Permission to point out how much fun I’m already having on this mission, Pathfinder?”

“Permission denied,” Ryder and Vetra replies almost in unison. 

* * *

Mercifully, Ryder had been exaggerating about the climb up to the facility. It was more of a trek, rather than the steep climb Lexi had initially imagined. However, that didn’t mean it wouldn’t be difficult for the asari doctor to navigate herself up the slippery and dark steps of the abandoned cave. _I should have taken those drills seriously back in the Milky Way, otherwise I wouldn’t be having so much trouble with something as simple as taking a step forward in this garishly stiff armor._ The doctor did her best to mask her struggles, keeping to herself in silent outrage. _Or learn how to use the jump-jets for that matter._

“The trick is to look for something to lean on.” Lexi jolts upon hearing the voice behind her, Sara. Vetra and Peebee were already several paces ahead of them, climbing up the steps in a consistent pace, expected of someone with such an… active physical lifestyle. After Peebee’s incessant teasing about Lexi’s “demure” pace, the maiden eventually got bored, or rather, got whisked away by their turian companion. Lexi, on the other hand, hardly noticed the Pathfinder falling in behind her.

“If you’re suggesting I use my hands to balance myself and lean on the rocks, then yes. That is what I’ve been doing,” Lexi grumbles, hands fumbling on the rough surface of the steps. “Goddess,” she curses, hoisting herself up another level. She manages to successfully hoist both legs up, but not before realizing that there wasn’t enough space for her on this particularly shallow step. Afraid to lose her balance, Lexi quickly reaches for the slab of stone in front of her, but it merely slips against her gloved fingertips.

Sara holds her steady with a hand firmly placed on her back. “Easy,” she says.

Lexi sighs, relief pouring out of her. “Thank you,” she says quietly.

“I never said it had to be rocks,” Sara tells her, the barest hint of a smile tugging at her lips.

Lexi almost tilts her head in confusion, most of her weight still supported by the Pathfinder’s strong hand behind her back. “You never said what had to be rocks?”

“The thing you can lean on,” Sara replies cheekily.

Lexi scoffs with no real venom in her tone. “Well, you never said it had to be a someone either.”

Sara chuckles before assisting Lexi up the next step. “Back in the Alliance, this was practically what I had to do every day,” she says conversationally. “Comes with being First Recon. Always a new Prothean cave to dig into.”

“Do you miss it?” Lexi finds herself saying, unconsciously relying on Sara’s hold on her arm to maintain her balance. She’d read the Pathfinder’s dossier several times now, but she’s never heard Sara openly talk about her past with anyone except Cora before. Surprisingly, the Lieutenant wasn’t as tight-lipped as Lexi had expected. In fact, she would gladly volunteer to speak about Sara, and all Lexi had to do was ask. Lexi knows they come from good intentions, Cora as equally concerned as she is about the Pathfinder’s wellbeing.

Sara gives her a nonchalant shrug. “Some days. I wanted to serve in the Alliance because I knew it was a way for me to travel off world, visit other planets. That kind of thing,” she says. “The good thing is that I got to offer some help to a lot of people along the way.”

“That’s right,” Lexi replies. “You also served as a Peacekeeper back in Citadel space, didn’t you?”

Sara looks at her, an amused expression playing across her face. “So you did read my file. And here I thought you don’t pay me enough attention,” she teases, although the slight tremor in her voice hints at her wavering confidence. Sara was nervous. Lexi couldn’t blame her. This was probably the first time they had had a normal conversation since Elaaden.

Lexi gives the woman’s shoulder a friendly nudge, a feeble attempt at getting her to loosen up. An unspoken thing going on between them didn’t mean they couldn’t be friends. “I am required to read your file and, by extension, your medical background,” she tells her pointedly. “Your time in the Alliance is hardly a secret, anyway; and it’s not as though that’s the only set of pertinent information I have access to, Sara.”

“Oh?” Sara says, and it makes Lexi berate herself internally for letting that piece of information intentionally slip out. “Well, now you’re just making me curious.”

The asari contemplates on what she should say next, desperately trying to maintain her composure at the smug grin directed at her. “You are entirely too impressed with yourself,” Lexi quips softly, not unkindly.

Sara laughs, amused.

“Fine,” Lexi gives in. “Cora might have told me _some_ things.”

“Aha! I knew it,” Sara snaps her fingers together, still grinning up at her.

"You're not bothered by it?" Lexi carefully asks.

Sara's brows knit together. "Why would I be?" She asks. 

"I was under the impression..." Lexi wavers. "Never mind, I suppose. Now that I think about it, it was silly of me to assume you'd be upset about something as trivial as that." 

“Damn," Sara says under her breath, and it makes Lexi search for the other woman's eyes nervously. "I’m pretty sure Cora knows enough about me to fill a notebook. I just hope she didn’t tell you _everything_ about me.”

Oh. Lexi relaxes. “Not everything that’s for sure,” she replies amicably.

“Good,” Sara says. “Because now, all you need to do is ask,” she adds coyly.

“Ask?”

Sara scratches the back of her neck before carefully helping Lexi up another step. “If you wanted to know more about me,” she mumbles, barely audible. “You can always ask me.”

Their eyes meet briefly, and Lexi can’t help but wonder what Sara’s intentions are. But the way she’s looking at Lexi right now, the genuine look of hope and the quiet promise of friendship, catches Lexi off-guard. The asari smiles. “Out of all the ideas you’ve had in this galaxy so far, I think that’s the least terrible one yet.”

And Sara laughs again, and Lexi finds it strange how one small sound can make a multitude of things better again.

* * *

“Alright. We split up,” Ryder begins, all business now that they’ve reached the top. “I’ll escort Lexi wherever it is she needs to go. Vetra and Peebee, you provide overwatch. I need both of you to cover as much ground as you can. Alert comms if you see hostiles approaching the perimeter. Rendezvous back here once we’re done.”

“Um, no,” Peebee suddenly interjects. “How about I be the doctor’s tour guide instead? You and Vetra can cover the perimeter and I’ll make sure our fair Matriarch finds whatever it is she needs lickiddy-split! Or however you humans say it.”

“What? No. Absolutely not,” Ryder was quick to reply. The way her voice dipped lower sent a stray flutter through Lexi’s stomach, the pesky little thing. “It’ll be safer— _faster_ if I go with Lexi.”

The doctor bit her lip, a conscious effort to keep the natural response at bay: a smile. She’d found herself and Ryder relaxing earlier when it was just the two of them, away from the prying eyes of their crewmates, away from the metallic confines of the medbay. Earlier, it had felt as though they were merely two friends taking a stroll, without the weight of either of their duties holding them back. It had been nice, Lexi admits. _Well, it would have been nicer if it didn’t happen on the way to a cult’s research center._ She shakes her head. Nothing was ever easy in Andromeda, but Lexi could also say the same about her life back in the Milky Way. The only difference perhaps, is the young human standing in front of her, glaring daggers at her fellow asari companion.

“And why is that?” Peebee challenged.

“Because I have SAM to help guide us! SAM can help make the search faster,” Ryder replies.

“In case you’ve forgotten, Ryder, we’ve all got SAM in our heads,” the maiden said, jabbing a finger at her head for emphasis. “Don’t need a demonstration to remind us of that little fact,” Peebee scoffed. The doctor arched a brow. What was Peebee trying to do? “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a two-hundred seventy-five-year-old, and _counting_ , asari to babysit,” she finished, pushing Lexi deeper towards kett facility.

“Hey!” Lexi finally protested. Still, she knew better than to actively voice out against the younger asari’s suggestion, lest it spark even more controversy about herself and the Pathfinder among their crew (a crew that had nothing else better to do than meddle with other people’s love life—should Lexi even call it that?). It wasn’t that she didn’t trust the young asari to protect her, she knew very well what Peebee was capable of in the battlefield. The rogue academic’s survival skills were a testament to her versatility; anyone else half as reckless as she was without said talents wouldn’t have made past a hundred years old. Goddess knows the young asari has been trouble even back in the Milky Way, no matter how tight-lipped she has been about her misadventures (Lexi has seen and met far too many asari like Peebee. Growing up in Omega, it was impossible not to).

To say that it was unusual for the other asari to purposefully seek out more of Lexi’s company was a severe understatement. Even their required physical check-ups couldn’t last more than five minutes before the maiden bolts out the door! Peebee was definitely planning something and whatever it is, it would not be good.

“Now, hold on a second,” Ryder started, marching towards the two asari. “That was an order, Peebee. Not a suggestion.”

“Relax, why don’t you?” Peebee said reassuringly, although it did anything but. “I won’t let anything happen to our dear Doctor T’Perro,” she drawled, a clear mischievous grin already playing at her lips.

Ryder narrows her eyes.

“Knock it off, both of you,” Vetra doesn’t miss a beat, placing herself between the two parties.

That was the moment Lexi started to piece the jigsaw puzzles together. She admonishes herself for not seeing it sooner (although she blames it entirely on the very distracting human Pathfinder that she’s told herself countless times before should not—and will _not_ —distract her.) Vetra was likely chosen to be a part of this mission because of her talent for diffusing high-tension situations. High-tension situations usually spelt Pelessaria B’Sayle, vice versa. That could only mean one thing: the maiden must have purposefully volunteered to be brought into this mission. She must have goaded the Pathfinder to no end to be brought here! Vetra was Ryder’s band-aid. It was the only possible explanation, otherwise why would Ryder bring Peebee on a mission with, well, Lexi present?

“I’m starting to think being on the _Tempest_ isn’t any different from babysitting Sid,” Vetra’s voice snapped the doctor out of her train of thought. “Let Lexi decide,” the turian firmly stated. “It’s technically her mission. We’re just escorts.”

All three pairs of eyes fell on her. Peebee’s was staring at her far more pointedly than the other two, which only reaffirmed Lexi’s initial suspicion over the matter.

The doctor merely rolled her eyes before conceding. She was going to regret this later. Whatever it is Peebee had in store for her, it was better to face it head on. She was a psychologist, one that had more degrees than anyone aboard the Nexus, excluding Dr. Aridana (which was fair, considering the doctor was nearing the Matriarch stage of her life), a little maiden was nothing Lexi could not handle. It would be an opportunity to assess the chaotic inner-workings of her fellow asari crew member.

“Well, doc?” Vetra gently prompts.

“If it means getting on with it, then I’ll be fine going with Pelessaria,” Lexi says, voice perfectly neutral. “Now, come along. I’d prefer it if we return back to the Tempest as soon as possible. The longer we stay out here, the more we risk catching hypothermia,” she finishes, ignoring Ryder’s defeated sigh. “Among other things.”

“You hear that, Ryder?” Peebee says triumphantly. “Doc says she wants to come with me, so why don’t you chill out,” she says playfully nudging the Pathfinder, before stepping in closer—much too close than what Lexi deemed appropriate—to pinch Sara’s chin in between her fingers. Peebee holds the Pathfinder’s face in place before continuing lowly, “And tone down on the whole overprotective spontaneity, will ‘ya? Got to admit, it’s cute. But a little more of that and it might just make me change my mind,” she finishes in a near whisper. “And we can’t have that now, can’t we?”

Lexi clears her throat, unable to watch the whole display idly any longer. Just what is she playing at?

“I believe we have a kett facility to investigate,” the doctor says tersely. “Time isn’t exactly in our favor right now. Far from it, in fact.”

“On my way, T’Perro,” Peebee replies, voice practically oozing with enthusiasm. Lexi’s unsure, but she thinks she catches Peebee throw a wink at Ryder’s direction before moving to follow her.

* * *

“What was that all about?” Vetra asks Ryder from behind the two asari who started walking towards one of the many entrances of the kett facility.

“I have no idea,” Ryder sighs, frustrated. “But knowing Peebee, it can’t be anything good. Always knows how to keep me on my toes, that one,” she deadpans.

The minute the two asari were out of earshot, Vetra voiced the question that has been lingering in her mind even before they left the Tempest.

“Why’d you bring her on the mission anyway?” The turian asks. “I mean, come on. Peebee and Lexi? In what scenario did that sound like a good idea?”

“Trust me, I didn’t want to. But Peebee insisted right when we got word about the mission; she gladly volunteered to come,” Ryder explained. It was clear the human regretted the decision. “I took it as some sign that she and Lexi were finally getting along. Progress, or something like that.”

“Progress?” Vetra scoffs in that half amused, half disbelieving tone. “If that’s what progress looks like, Ryder, then I’m a bonafide Turian citizen.”

Ryder shakes her head. “Just keep a close eye on them. I’ll make sure to keep an eye on our perimeter.”

“Copy that, Pathfinder,” Vetra replies before heading the opposite direction of Ryder, to loosely follow the unlikely pair. It was amusing to watch the scenario unfold, almost felt like watching one of those human vids Liam would send her. Speaking of Liam... he’d want to find out about what happened here. Suvi would too. And Gil. And Cora. And Drack. And Kallo, definitely Kallo. Jaal acts aloof half the time, but Vetra was pretty sure he was definitely interested in the dramatic, or not so dramatic, life of the human Pathfinder. Huh. Maybe Anan from the Vortex would want to hear about it too.

* * *

“Will you slow down?”

“Why don’t you catch up instead?”

Peebee laughed mirthlessly. “Look, relax. This place is abandoned. Why don’t you take a second and try to smell the flowers for once, huh?”

“We’re in a frozen wasteland, exploring what can only be described as an alien cult’s sacred temple, and you’re talking about slowing down and smelling the flowers? Typical.”

“Okay, I know you’ve got beef with me, T’Perro,” the younger asari scoffs, palms held up in surrender, “but I didn’t volunteer specifically for this mission just to waste my time arguing with you.”

Lexi paused.

“If I wanted that, I’d just stick to harassing you back on the Tempest where half of the crew can overhear us,” Peebee grumbled.

“Alright,” Lexi said pointedly. She knew it was coming, better now than later. “I see your point. What is it you wanted to discuss with me then?”

“Finally, you’re catching on!” Peebee exclaimed, waving both arms above her head like a lunatic. “You know, for a psychologist, you’re extremely slow about these kinds of things.”

“Try again.”

“Fine, fine,” she sighed exasperatedly. “I’ll cut to the chase, sheesh.”

“Finally,” Lexi muttered under her breath as she wrapped both arms around her torso. Although some of the heaters in the kett facility were left turned on, the chilling temperature of the planet still managed to seep inside of Lexi’s bones. Idly, she wondered how Sara was fairing under this temperature; the human body was much less adaptive than any other sentient alien biology Lexi has encountered. Did Ryder remember to bring those extra life support packs?

“—you’d be crazy not to. I mean yeah, you’re already a little crazy but saying no to that would just be stupid-crazy. Know what I mean?”

The younger asari’s pointed look at her snapped Lexi out of her own reverie. “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that, Peebee. What were you saying?”

“Of course,” Peebee scoffed underneath her breath.

“I’m not being insincere now, I genuinely did not hear what you had to say.”

“And they say _I_ have the attention span of a varren cub.”

“I heard that.”

“Of course you heard _that_ one,” the younger asari spat petulantly.

“Where is this going exactly?” Lexi asked sincerely. She stopped to look the maiden in the eyes, hoping for a clear answer.

“Lexi,” Peebee says, voice treading. “What I’m saying is, and I didn’t really think I had to spell it out for you but here I am doing it anyway—” Lexi prevents the urge to roll her eyes “—you should give her a chance.”

Lexi blinks. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, come on!” Peebee pouts, stomping a foot in front of her. “You heard me! I’m not saying it again,” she hastens her pace to charge ahead of the other asari.

“Peebee, hold on just a minute,” Lexi muttered in mild irritation and, in some irrational corner of her mind, fear. “There is nothing going on between me and the Pathfinder.”

“Uh, hate to break it to you doc, but I think you may have a very warped idea of what ‘nothing’ looks like.”

A furious palm comes up to rub at her forehead. This was ridiculous. Curious, but absolutely ridiculous. The crew of the _Tempest_ really didn’t have anything else better to do. Lexi can appreciate the sentiment however, who she decided to be with (or not to be with) was none of their business. The asari sighs. “Peebee. I’m her doctor. I’m the crew doctor. We shouldn’t even be talking about this. It isn’t appropriate.”

“Oh, here we go again, the ballad of Lexi T’Perro and her oh- _so_ important rules! Woe is me, I’ve doomed myself for an eternity of not embracing eternity,” she exclaims dramatically, still stomping ahead of the other asari. “You know, Umi told me you used to watch live varren pit fights in the lower rings of Omega and you’d go out to get skewers after! _Skewers!_ ”

“Umi, the bartender at Kadara?” Lexi recalls the memory. It was her childhood.

“Yeah! She used to work somewhere back in Omega, as a bartender too of course. I guess it’s a small universe after all, huh?” Peebee says wistfully. “She told me other stories about you,” she adds slyly, gouging for a reaction from the older asari. Lexi opens her mouth to defend herself, but is quickly interrupted. “But I’m feeling particularly nice today, so I think I’ll spare you. For now.” Lexi allows herself to relax. “Whatever happened to letting our—our ‘hair tentacles’ lose once in a while, or however the humans say it. Just let it flop around or something,” she finishes, gesturing wildly at her head.

Lexi pinches the bridge of her nose. “First of all, _humans_ should be aware by now that they not ‘hair tentacles’. They are semi-flexible, cartilage-based scalp crests that grow into shape that do not ‘flop around’.” The younger asari opens her mouth to interrupt but Lexi manages to stop her by raising a finger pointedly at her direction. “And second of all, that was a long time ago. In case you’ve forgotten, I am nearly two centuries older than you. That part of my life is over. I have other priorities now and, quite frankly, so does the Pathfinder.” An entire galaxy’s worth of priorities, Lexi doesn’t say. There simply wasn’t enough room for someone like her in the Pathfinder’s life, no matter how big and vast Ryder’s star charts were—the only place for her, the role she was designed to fill, was her doctor.

“Ryder,” Lexi pauses, “ _Sara_ should just move on,” she finishes, the words settling like stones in her heart. They were better off as friends, and at this rate, Lexi can see that as a very real possibility.

Peebee looks at her, an odd expression on her face that felt entirely too foreign to Lexi: it was a look of understanding. It was strange thing to bond over, but Lexi mentally takes note of the continued progress. Part of her hates herself for having to note down things like these, but she knows it was a responsibility she shouldn’t cower from. But most importantly, Lexi appreciates the young asari’s unusual act of discretion, choosing instead to confront her in a place beyond the prying eyes of their crewmates and far from anyone else within the Initiative. Gossip, as comical as it sounds, goes a long way in this galaxy.

“Peebee,” Lexi implores. “I appreciate the sentiment. I truly do. But I’ve already made my peace with it, and I hope you and the crew will too.” She knows she’s lying through her teeth, and the way the other asari is looking at her right now only tells her that she isn’t the only one who knows.

“I tried, you know,” Peebee says softly, arms crossed in front of her. She looks a lot smaller this way, Lexi realizes. “I did try to help Ryder move on, before all this,” she finishes, waving her hand between them nonchalantly.

Lexi hums. “That is what a good friend would do,” she says passively, actively blocking the thought away.

“No, no, ugh,” Peebee grumbles, the tips of her fingers rubbing at her forehead in frustration. “How do I even say this?” She mutters more to herself than to the asari in front of her. “Look, I tried—asked—well, offered _—_ okay, maybe I _propositioned_ Ryder with something I thought she couldn’t refuse.”

It takes a complete second for Lexi to realize what the other asari was hinting at. Suddenly, she is reminded of the biting frost of Voeld as the thought, the mere idea of it, takes a hold of her mind. It shouldn’t bother her. It really shouldn’t.

“I knew you and her already had this ‘thing’ going on, well the entire crew did, but I knew you two weren’t dating so I figured why not?” Peebee continued to explain, but Lexi was hardly paying attention at this point as she began to realize that her unspoken fears during Peebee’s earlier days aboard the _Tempest_ were not out of place after all. “She refused me, duh. Quickly. Respectfully. Politely. Boringly. She didn’t tell me why,” Peebee added softly. “She didn’t have to.”

“I…” Lexi stumbles. “Thank you for telling me.”

“It… does it bother you?” Peebee says in an uncharacteristically feeble voice.

Lexi exhales through her nose. “No,” she manages. “No, it doesn’t.”

Tension deflates from Peebee’s shoulders, her posture sagging with relief. “Good. Huge weight off my shoulder that,” she says, more to herself than to Lexi.

Before Lexi could reply, their intercom springs to life, Sara’s frantic voice snapping them both to attention.

“ _Everybody behind cover now! Kett dropships coming to our location!"_

“ _Dammit._ I jinxed it!” Peebee yells, reaching for her sidearm. She grabs Lexi’s armor by the collar and leads them both behind cover. “I guess having a simple conversation with you is just never gonna be that easy, isn’t it?”

Lexi steels herself, eyes now trained on the dropships nearing their spot. “I should let you know that I take progress _very_ seriously,” she says. “And, despite the... circumstances, I’d like to consider this as one, if you don’t mind.”

Peebee shakes her head, taking aim at the first batch of kett soldiers landing in their perimeter. “Never doubted you for a second, T’Perro.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... they are idiots. But okay idiots. 
> 
> I apologize for not updating in such a LONG LONG time ;-; I got busy with school stuff, the online classes aren't really working out for me that much but I'm doing my best to work with it! Also, what's wrong with ao3, it won't let me post this chapter at all? I had tried numerous times now to post this chapter, but it just won't budge. It might have something to do, again, with my country?? I don't know but this sort of thing tends to happen to me a lot. 
> 
> If you're reading some of my other fics (the ones I wrote this year JFSDLJKKHFK), don't worry! I will update them!! I'm just a tad busy with school right now, but I'm so excited now that we're going to have the Mass Effect: Legendary Edition. Honestly, I'm just hoping the fandom becomes even more active again now that we're getting more ME content! I am SO ready to read more fanfics and see more fanart of our beloved crewmembers. And I will finish my fanfics!! Aha! FOR THE FANDOOOOM!! <3
> 
> Anyway, thank you so much to everyone who left comments, kudos, and bookmarks! You guys are the best. It always keeps me going, knowing that this little fic makes you a little bit happier! I hope you guys are safe and healthy out there, in our little corner of the milky way <3
> 
> P.S.: Yes, the bit about hair tentacles was taken from Liara and Joker's conversation in ME3. Sorry, I absolutely adore Liara and I just couldn't resist sneaking that in LMAO part of me likes to think that Liara and Lexi will get along if they ever met.


End file.
